literature

Sugar

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polyhymnia's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

You took sugar in your tea.
It suited you -
sweetening a bitterness,
which was what you did best.
Cover up the taste.
Always the same;
three spoons of sweet falsity.
One spoonful of sugar
for each fight.

You took sugar in your tea.
Just as you brought me
roses
when you hated me,
jewellery,
when you loathed me,
chocolates
when you despised me.

When I hated you
I gave you –
nothing.

Now you have
nothing

but three spoons of sugar
every morning.
In your tea.
Do my eyes deceive me? No - it's another poem!
© 2003 - 2024 polyhymnia
Comments28
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Sperpy's avatar
This one brought a smile to my face, its sheer cynicism and veracity is very striking, and very clever.

Perhaps (in my humble opinion) you could reinforce the repetitiveness of taking the sugar by including the word “always” or something similar in the first line.

Cover up the taste. – but what taste?

three spoons of sweet falsity. – I like this line, but it seems too straight forward, as in stating the obvious

the second stanza – wonderful in its cruelty, superb in its simplicity. Well done :)

the last couple of stanzas are great as well, the length of them drops off, emphasizing both the disintegration of the relationship, and how the persona is worth no more than a couple of lines.

However I think the last line could be “but three spoons of sugar” as the audience already knows that they are in the tea, and it also would suit the structure.

Wow this is quite a long comment (for me). I enjoyed critiquing this one, you did a good job :D

Oh yes and you used punctuation :D that’s always a good thing!!

I do believe that this poem has the potential to be very good, good as it is already of course.